088 Sunjay Vyas & Anisha Patel
I recorded this episode with my husband, Sunjay, 3 weeks before I gave birth to Kai back in June 2022! I wasn't going to release the episode but I made a promise to myself that I WANT to share more of my life with you and for you all to get to know me. On this episode I share the ups and downs of my second pregnancy journey. For full access to the shownotes, visit my website.
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Transcript:
[0:00]
We haven't recorded since I've been pregnant, so it's been 10 months. Yeah, it's true.
Okay.
Hello. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. Ha ha ha.
I don't know what to do now, it's been so long.
Excellent. We're back.
We're back. It's been a while.
I didn't think it'd been that long, but it has been that long.
It's been, I think, since August of 2021. Wow. What have we been doing since then?
[0:49]
A lot. A lot. A lot. Yeah, I don't know where to start. There's so much to talk about. I think we've wanted to be doing, we've tried to do this a few times, not actually sit down like this, but we said we're going to record the podcast. And I really, really wanted to do one when we went to Mexico. But when we got there, I was just like, oh, it just, it didn't feel like the right thing to do because we'd have to get rid of Lily for a couple of hours.
She wasn't too happy about. And then I just thought, well, we can record a podcast and it would have been nice, but yeah.
So we didn't do it then. And then we just, yeah, we just sat down to do it.
So I think what prompted me was just to get it done before the little baby comes, because then it's gonna be chaos.
[1:39]
Yeah, so the last time we recorded, probably about a month and a half later, we found out I was pregnant. Yeah.
Big news. Big news. So should we talk about that first? thought pregnancy first? Yeah sure. So how's it been? It's been a journey but it's so close to the end now. I've only got three and a half weeks to go if that. It's been really different to Lily's pregnancy, a lot harder, a lot more challenges and obstacles along the way in comparison to the first time I was pregnant where I really enjoyed it. I loved it and I did say I could be a surrogate mother and enjoy being pregnant.
[2:31]
Because I loved it that much but this time It's been hard because I had insomnia, For about eight months, I've only really started sleeping again for the last week to ten days.
[2:53]
And obviously we're in the nearly in the tenth month and And then obviously the gestational diabetes, my best friend.
Diabetes came back. Yeah. So this time we got tested for just your general sugars, your fasting sugars and then one hour post meal.
At 10 or 11 weeks they start in your second pregnancy if you've had gestational diabetes before.
Before they check it really early in your first trimester and you start your recordings.
And they were immediately out of range with relatively healthy meals, very healthy meals, actually, nothing out of the ordinary.
So within a couple of weeks, we decided that we would start insulin, which is a lot faster than you would normally start insulin, because at least you would be diet controlled but our diet is quite nutritious and diabetic friendly.
But unfortunately, my body just hasn't been responding to it very well.
So obviously, I didn't want to go on to tablets because I knew eventually.
[4:11]
As the pregnancy progresses, the diabetes would progress with it.
So I said, just let's go with the insulin from now. and we did a couple of units at lunch, a couple of units at dinner because my breakfast seemed to be okay and it has progressed quite significantly.
I've, you know, over tripled my doses now, plus I'm having breakfast doses, so it's been quite a challenge.
And then just when you think a meal works a couple of weeks later, Unfortunately, your body doesn't respond the same way.
So that constant change has been quite a challenge for me, but, and you've eaten the same diet as me.
To conform to being a diabetic alongside with me and Lily.
[5:06]
The last time you went on insulin, you were on tablets. Yeah, last time it was around 10 weeks before the end of the pregnancy.
I went onto tablets twice daily and then was diet controlled and that actually was pretty much enough to keep me going.
We did have some issues but not as bad as we've experienced this time. Nowhere near as bad.
And it was hard last time, those last 10 weeks it felt like it was a really long time to be a diabetic.
And because I've been going through that for multiple months this time, I genuinely feel a lot of compassion for people who have type 1 diabetes and have insulin for their entire lives because it's really not an easy journey.
It's very challenging to feel like you need to eat lots of protein, lots of fats and kind of reduce the amount of sort of carbohydrates that you're eating.
And I am overly sensitive because I have a diabetic friend at work and she can eat so much more variety of food than I can.
So it is dependent on the individual.
[6:25]
But you know, even limited amounts of fruit affect me, so you know, two, three strawberries is like my limit.
But I need to pair it with some form of protein, so I've been having like a crazy amount of peanut butter, which has helped.
And I love peanut butter. This baby is gonna love peanut butter, a bit like Lily, who's obsessed with peanut butter.
Obsessed because I ate so much peanut butter during her pregnancy as well.
Is that actually true? Does that correlate? I don't know. I'm assuming it does because she's obsessed with peanut butter. She'll put it on anything and eat it directly from a pot. Yeah I'm sure there is some correlation there but yeah.
Yeah, the diet, the diabetes last time was, yeah, we did really well last time to control it with diet.
We did really, really well. But also last time, and I've said this along the whole process, last time when you were pregnant we were living in a hot country.
We didn't have a child, it was just the two of us. Our lifestyles were completely different.
[7:42]
I reflect back and honestly say about myself and I can reflect back and say I knew that we were way fitter than we are now.
I mean, we were exercising a lot. I mean, every day, you know, I was in the gym, I was working in the gym, we were going out for runs, we were going for walks, we were going for our Friday, you know, Friday weekend workouts with our friends.
We were doing a lot of physical activity. So, you know, I think that played a significant factor.
And of course this time, I think one thing we did notice was your glucose levels would peak, particularly when there's a lot of stress around.
Yeah, no, 100%. I mean...
Our lifestyle is busy and having a another child in the house and someone else to worry about obviously impacts your stress significantly.
Um, it's another human to take care of and she's had her ups and downs.
Let's be fair on her. Like she's had chickenpox and coronavirus and, you know, ups and downs starting in reception.
So, you know, she's going through her own kind of emotional issues.
[8:49]
And you have to be there for them. You've got no choice. It's not like you can just turn off from that.
We've had episodes of her, like, having quite a bit of anxiety and bedwetting at night time for quite a few weeks, which was really hard because even though I was awake with insomnia, it's absolutely exhausting to then have to look after a child at nighttime as well and then go to work the next day and I mean people who listen to this podcast or have listened to previous episodes know that I work in central London I'm in Waterloo so my commute is 90 minutes each way so doing that off, one to two hours of sleep a night and it was consistently one to two hours of sleep a night every single day. It wasn't hit and miss where I'd catch up on sleep, you know after so much exhaustion you'd you know some people crash for like 12 hours I literally just lived off very limited sleep for so many months and then no naps during the day because my body just was wired and awake and just did not allow me to rest and that was really stressful. Working, commuting, all.
[10:07]
Impacted my stress and I think the lack of sleep also affected my sugars significantly because when we look at my life now I've started my maternity leave it's been you know four or five days of that and last week I started sort of, slowing down a little bit and finishing off things at work and my sugars magically changed. They're absolutely fine, they're all in range and I'm eating, you know.
[10:35]
Not whatever I want, it's a very still diabetic friendly, you know, meals, but I can eat a lot more.
I can add quite a bit more fruit and my numbers are still good.
They're still in range.
While before that, you know, we'd have some really high peaks.
So I'm really aware of stress and insomnia and lack of sleep impacting my sugars.
Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? Because no matter how healthy you are with your lifestyle.
[11:11]
Thankfully last time the diabetes generally goes away, but that doesn't always happen, but it did go away.
This time it came and it was a little bit worse.
[11:21]
And it doesn't really matter how healthy you are, sometimes it's just, there's certain risk factors, aren't there?
And I think our risk factors, if we look at the risk factors of diabetes, especially type two diabetes, it's overweight and inactive, which you're not.
It's genetic, it's a family history.
You don't have a family history. Did you, Bar?
No. No family history of diabetes. So you've got no family history of type 2 diabetes.
Steroid medication or certain drugs that can raise glucose levels, which you're not taking.
So the only risk factor you've got is the ethnic populations.
So there are the ethnic populations, people from Asia, Africa, Caribbean, all of those parts of the world, they are at higher risk.
So I can, so you're comparing you to your friend. Where's your friend from?
She's English, she's white English, white British.
So yeah, so there's a perfect example of someone who's not, doesn't have that risk factor and they can get away with a lot more.
Whereas just having that risk factor of being from that ethnic group, it increases your chances.
So I've learned a lot from this experience as well, from just about diabetes.
It's been fascinating just understanding how much, you know, a little bit of fruit can really spar your glucose level and control and how someone else can't.
And I try to, as a coach on a diabetes program, I try to explain this.
And it's hard because you're trying to address a large group of people, but I try to explain that everyone's different. We all are gonna respond to things very, very differently.
It's a very individual thing. so.
[12:49]
And the stress, of course, I think, for me, this is the big one.
I mean, we look at stress and diabetes, for example.
You know, someone can have a perfect diet. Someone can be a professional athlete.
And I've had people on our program who are marathon runners and cyclists and triathletes, swimmers. They're in great shape.
They've got great diets because they're really serious about their sport, but their glucose levels are high. And those people often are confused because they're like, hold a minute, I'm not overweight, I'm active, I eat a good diet.
And then I ask them, so, well, you know, let's talk about stress and sleep and, you know, these things.
And for these, you know, especially for the athletes, it's the training and it's waking up in the morning early and not getting enough sleep and then working and then family life and all of that, that's going to raise someone's glucose levels up.
So I think stress is not just obviously affecting our risk of diabetes, but affects our risk of lots of different other conditions and diseases.
So I think prioritizing what you can do about that, I think should be a high priority, not just for people who are at risk of these types of conditions, but for everyone, right?
Because stress can impact us all in different ways. So having those, having your daily habit to mitigate it.
[14:10]
Or to manage it is important. And I've been thinking about this recently and I think we look after our health in so many different ways.
You know, people go to the hairdressers, they go to nail salons, they go to the barbers, they go to the doctors, they go to get their teeth whitened.
All these things, right, we do to look after our health.
But what do we do for our mind, for our brain?
You know, I'll give you an example, like brushing your teeth.
Why do we brush our teeth? To keep them healthy and clean.
To keep them clean.
If I don't brush my teeth tonight, am I going to wake up with unhealthy teeth tomorrow?
Not over one day. Not over one night, right. So, why am I brushing my teeth?
As you said, it's to keep them, it's a preventative measure, right?
Brushing my teeth is, I brush my teeth twice a day to stop myself in the future, from having problems with my teeth.
It's not because, okay, you wake up in the morning, you've got a smelly mouth, that's fine, so you brush your teeth to address that, and it feels good and it's fresh and clean, but you're not doing it as a reaction to, oh no, I've got tooth decay, or my teeth are falling out, I better brush my teeth.
We're doing it to prevent ourselves. Now, most people brush their teeth two minutes, twice a day, without foul.
[15:25]
Right? It just happens. They don't think about it. They don't have to go, oh, I've got to brush my teeth, unless you're Liliana. I mean, she's chasing around the house, but we'll talk about her in a moment. I know what you want to say.
But most people don't have to motivate themselves to brush their teeth.
So we spend four minutes a day, and then I ask the next question is, can you live without your teeth? Can you survive without your teeth?
Yeah, you can. So we spend, every day we spend four minutes looking after a part of our health, which actually we could survive without.
What do we do for our brain?
So the next question is, can you survive without your brain? No, you can't.
What's the equivalent of brushing your teeth for your brain?
[16:09]
And in a lot of cases, people don't have anything because they just, you know, we don't think of it that way.
So this is where sort of the things that we talk about for managing stress are so important.
It's the brushing your teeth, it's keeping your brain healthy, it's keeping your brain working.
[16:24]
So no matter what those things are that people do, and it's really easy if people are sitting there listening, go, well, I don't know, how do you manage stress?
[16:31]
Well, really simply, and I'll ask you, if we take the word stress, what's the opposite word to stress for you? What's the opposite word?
[16:38]
Relaxed. Yeah, relax. That's definitely the one I would say. So I say what's the opposite of the word stress? We say relaxation. We say calm, happiness. Okay, let's just take those three. Well, the question now becomes, what are you doing each day to bring some relaxation, calm and happiness to your life? Because if you are doing something that's going to bring you some calm, some relaxation and some happiness each day, then that's the equivalent of brushing your teeth for me and this is why I think this is so important and starting to, you know, and people think, oh, I have to meditate and all these things.
Yeah, those things are great, but it doesn't have to be meditation.
It doesn't have to be mindfulness, right? You could just go for a walk.
You can just do some exercise. You could just call your mum, if you get on with your mum, that is, and have a good conversation with her.
You call your best friend. You can go for a coffee with a friend like you did today.
You saw someone you hadn't seen for a while, right?
These are all the little things. These are the things that we maybe take for granted, but actually, if we recognize them as, actually, I'm doing this to help my brain, to help keep my mind healthy.
Your ba, for example, bless her soul, but she used to do Sudoku, didn't she?
I know a lot of- She loves Sudoku. Yeah, a lot of elderly people love the Sudoku.
And I remember asking her, why do you do Sudoku? And she's like, it just keeps my brain healthy.
And she'd never been educated on this stuff, but she got it, she understood.
[18:01]
And that was probably from your grandfather, because he was very much into his reading and reading the paper and keeping his mind active. Oh yeah.
[18:07]
Doing his exercise, he was fantastic at that, wasn't he? So yeah, stress, I think, you know, it's going to affect all of us. It's going to affect all of us at some stage in our life. We're all going to react to it differently. And I think all we need to understand is stress is simply just the way that our body responds.
It's just a response. So if it's a response and we can understand it, then we can hopefully coast some way to try and try and control it. Yeah I think I didn't really.
[18:40]
Think of myself as feeling stressed before the pregnancy with our lifestyle but I'm sure there's definitely an element of it and we were trying our best to control and prevent it I mean we got the Shampnese membership I was going three times a week like swimming and relaxing and all of that helped been meditating doing bits of yoga here and there so there's definitely things that we've been doing to support my mental health but at the end of the day when you add in a pregnancy plus I was studying to become a prescriber at the time of the pregnancy and then when you add medical issues which are unexpected and very difficult to manage because they are quite out of my control. The, insomnia we did so many things to try and reverse it but we came to the conclusion that it's definitely 100% hormonally related to the pregnancy and And every healthcare professional I saw said that I just needed to...
Except that it was going to be part of my life for the moment.
[20:04]
And with the diabetes, there's nothing that I could have done to prevent that from happening to me.
It's all related to the placenta and the hormones that stop your insulin from working, like, efficiently.
So accepting that took me months, right?
I was so angry that my sugars were out of control and feeling out of control is not an enjoyable experience, which also then kind of impacted my stress. But there was a moment, um, it was when I had that conversation with Nilesh when he came round. Um, and he always sparks a little bit of, uh, thought in my brain when I have conversations with him because he always takes the time to really dig deep. He challenges you. Yeah, I love that guy.
[20:58]
And that conversation then got me to start regular meditation rather than ad hoc whenever I felt like it. And I did consistently for 60 plus days, but within 10 to 14 days I was getting an extra one to two hours of sleep and I actually emotionally felt so much more in control and I felt a lot happier, a lot more at ease with what I was dealing with. In fact, at work people actually said that I looked better.
My boss noticed that my happiness score had gone back up to, you know, not 100%, but let's say 75% because normally I'm really happy at work, and the lack of sleep and the fatigue was just draining me.
So I'd come to work looking probably really deflated and feeling really deflated, but getting on with what I needed to do.
So she had made a comment that I looked a lot better and I was like, actually, you know, I downloaded this app called Balance, and I've been using their meditation techniques, and it's really making a difference.
She downloaded it and has been using it ever since.
[22:17]
So that, you know, really impacted me. So it definitely adds value, right?
I was using the meditation every day before bedtime, and then when I wake up in the night, sometimes I was using it again to try and help me to fall back asleep.
Some days it worked, some days it didn't.
But that change in emotional health was really important for me.
[22:39]
Yeah, yeah, the meditation definitely, I mean, I noticed the difference straight away when I've been consistent with it. It's so powerful. And yeah, I think you're right. You said something about accepting. I think that's the first step, isn't it? It's about accepting where we are with our health. Again, what's in our control? It's not in your control, right? Yes, you can manage Yes, you can do that, but if your placenta and your pancreas and all these things are doing all these things, right, we don't control, we can't control it.
So and it's frustrating. I get it.
It's frustrating because I get frustrated when my shoulder's hurting.
I get frustrated when I can't go for a run or my back's hurting and I can't lift weights and all these things, but I can't control them on any given day.
I just have to focus on what I can do. And what am I in control of when I wake up each morning?
Well, it's whether I decide to eat some vegetables that day, whether I decide to go do some exercise, I go for a walk, I do my skipping, and whether I decide to take some time for myself and look after my mental health.
That can take time. It can take time to get to that. I still struggle with it We all struggle with it, but it's getting better. It's getting better. And I think you know for me anyway The journaling has definitely helped just the writing of things now and just recognizing the wins and actually that's been the biggest thing for me that's helped me is.
[23:58]
Just recording the successes in the day So I keep a, I haven't got my notepad, it's over there, but I keep a little tally, I just do a little tally each day of how many people I've spoken to.
So just little ticks.
And at the end of the day I look at the tally and no matter how the day's gone, I remind myself and say to myself, well Sanjay, and I sometimes write this down, I say Sanjay, today you've helped 75 people to improve their health, you've done a good thing.
I don't, you know, that's not to show off to anyone. I don't even, I think that's the first time I've told you that as well. I haven't told you that before. I don't share it with anyone.
It's just something I do so that at the end of the day, no matter what's happened, I can sit back and go, do you know what? I've done something good to happen today.
And that, to me, that's real self-care, right? We talk about self-compassion and being kind to yourself and all of these things.
That for me is my self-care for, my self-compassion for each day.
It's just recognizing, hey, you know what? You have done something good today.
All these people you speak to each day, that's something good, you're helping people.
And like I said, I don't want a reward, I don't want a pay rise, although that would be nice.
I just want myself to acknowledge that, because no one else is going to do it, right?
[25:10]
And let's be honest, right. And no one's going to come to me and go, oh, Sanjay, what have you done?
Like a child, what have you done today? How was your day at school?
And what did you do? And like, oh, well done. You've done a really good job on talking to all those people, right? I mean, that doesn't, you know, some people might do it, but you can't expect other people.
You can't wait for other people.
And this is what I say to everyone. It's like, you can motivate yourself.
Because by me doing that, how do I feel? I feel good.
And I feel like the next day, I can't wait to do it again. And it motivates me.
And I don't need any extrinsic motivation apart from, I did something good today.
[25:45]
So I think recognizing your wins and your successes along the way has been a big, part for me to manage stress and, and change your outlook.
And I think that's also a key thing, right? We're sometimes we're wired to look at things certainly, you know, half glass full, half glass empty, yeah, half glass full, half glass empty type scenario, right?
So if you're the half glass empty type of person, then we can just start to reframe some of those thoughts.
But you have to become aware of them first.
So for me, and I say this to everyone, I say, look, just take stock each day.
Write down something that you're grateful for. Write down something that was good that happened today.
And there's always gonna be something. I do not accept from anyone, there are gonna be days where there's strategy, there's, you know, shit's happened and things are crap.
But most of the time, this week, for example, to sun shining. If nothing else, if nothing else is the sun not shining, making people feel better. Of course it is. Everyone's waking up. A lot of people are waking up in the morning and I've asked people, everyone's happier. So yeah, so that the journaling, the, the, the recognizing your little wins and being your own cheerleader, right? I think if you can be, if you can be your own cheerleader and this is not big headed, this is not, you you showing off or being self-indulgent. This is you taking care of yourself.
[27:09]
Can you hear that? That's my stomach. It's you taking care of yourself.
And if you take care of yourself, then you can be there for other people.
You can be there for your husband, your wife, your daughter, your son, your mum, your dad, your brother, sister, whoever you want to be there for, your neighbours, your boss, your employees.
Just be the best version of yourself, or the best version that you can be.
And that's all you can ask for.
Yeah, and it's funny how you kind of, we know these things and we're starting to learn them and implement them into our lives over the last couple of years at least.
But it's quite easy to fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself, which is what happened to me.
[27:56]
I felt really sorry for myself and partly I was trying to be compassionate and show myself some compassion that actually this is a hard time but it took me so long to accept that a lot of it was out of my control and I just kept waiting because I think part of it is that in health care as well they know there's nothing that they can do for me in this situation so they kept saying to me that wait till the next trimester hopefully it will subside and then you know you you kind of wait for you know 13 weeks I waited I was our first trimester when it's over hopefully my hormones will calm down and my insomnia will go away it just kept getting worse and then second trimester at the end I was like oh maybe by third trimester we'll be fine and it didn't go away so you know I, I think the constant kind of ups and downs were...
[28:52]
They have been really challenging, but I've actually learned quite a lot from this experience, about myself and now that I've actually started my maternity leave and I've taken the opportunity to finish work, a month early, before the baby potentially arrives.
[29:12]
I've started to realize how much I was trying to do within this time and, you know It was kind of necessary that I still needed to get on with my life and be pregnant and finish my prescribing course and be a parent and a wife and look after the house and all of those things but juggling all of that was much harder than I ever imagined.
But I'm so glad that we only have three and a half weeks left and I'm so grateful to be on maternity leave right now and actually be at home relaxing, nesting.
I think my body has actually really come around to that idea that it knows I'm in nesting mode.
I know they always say that you go into nesting mode and start hyper cleaning and preparing the baby's room before the baby arrives.
It's not that type of nesting. For me, it's get as much sleep as you can.
And my body is like been napping every day, sleeping at night.
Like it's like a miracle, but I think it's because it knows that I need the rest, and finally I'm actually getting the sleep that I need before this baby arrives and I'm back into insomnia mode.
[30:31]
Yeah, I mean also that like you said there's Being on that leave you don't have to worry about going to work and you have to deal with all that stuff So that that obviously has a place a big big part. So, Yeah, so three and a half weeks to go, which is going to fly by. We're kind of ready, aren't, we?
I think so. I'm a little bit nervous about a few things, but yeah, we are ready as a family. Liliana's ready. She's absolutely ready. I cannot wait to have my little helper in my life. I can't wait to see their first experience meeting each other. I was thinking about it the other day and I was just like, oh we have to take a video, we have to record it because it's a really important memory.
When you think about it because it'll be nice also for the baby to then see that kind of reaction from her perspective as an older sister.
[31:37]
And I've like been having a lot of visualizations about what she's going to be like as a big sister and how helpful she's going to be to me but also how kind and loving and caring she will be to this baby. So it's a new journey for us. But a really exciting one. I am really happy.
But I am nervous. I'm nervous about giving birth again a little bit. I had to do my birth plan. I didn't even include, I didn't even include you in the conversation which I was supposed to with before I went to meet the midwife. But I I was like, no, I know what I want.
And I know that the decisions I make for myself, you'll be happy with them.
So some of the questions that kind of came up, the same as last time, I don't want any pain relief.
And the lady read my notes. And again, her mouth dropped. She's like, what do you mean you, um...
[32:38]
You had 30 hours of labor, you got induced, and you still didn't take the pain relief.
She's like, are you sure? I was like, yeah, I'm sure, and I'm gonna do it again.
I was like, I can be in control, like, of that situation.
Like, that's the only thing that I feel like I have control of in a birthing situation, except for if I go have a C-section, then obviously then I'll receive anesthetics and pain relief.
But if I'm going for a natural birth even if I'm induced like this is one thing I can be in control of is that I can accept I don't need it I've done it before I can do it again I am a little bit nervous obviously because this whole pregnancy has been a different experience so I hope that I have the strength to be able to do it I'm sure I can but then it was like oh who's going to cut the cord and I just thought back and I was like oh like son shouldn't do it last time it was my dad so I was like I'll have to ask him I was like I don't think I don't know I guess I'll do it so I needed to have that discussion with you and also if I have a c-section an emergency one I needed to ask you whether or not you wanted to come inside the OR because that is gonna be quite a a different experience for you to be inside an operating theater.
[34:01]
I don't know how I feel about that. Exactly. I told her, I said to her that I'd actually rather go alone because I don't want to put him under stress. I'd rather, I'd rather, I'd rather not have him worry and be anxious about being in an operating theater because I know that you wouldn't really enjoy that experience. You'll be, you'll be knocked out though, right?
No, you're awake. What?
[34:25]
Yeah, you're awake. Yeah, you're awake. Oh, and if you want me there, of course I'll be there.
That's not a question. No, it's not about wanting.
I mean, most women obviously would have their partners or husbands with them.
I actually, I completely.
Put your feelings first and I told her I said no he won't come with me, It's absolutely fine like I'll just do it on my own she's like what she's like you can have a second person nominated To come into the hospital with you. I know it's absolutely fine. Just I'll do it my own. I'm cool with that, and Again her eyebrows raised because she thought I was a bit strange. Yeah Yeah, there's a lot of differences between this time round and last time round in terms of the medical care and the responses. Last time it was 100% private, it went smoothly.
But then this, actually I was just thinking as you were talking there that last time you said the pregnancy was perfect, everything went really well, but the labour was probably the only difficult part, right? That was the 30 hours, that was tough. This time round it might be the other way around.
It might be that the pregnancy's been super tough with everything that we just discussed and the labor might just be super easy. Boom. Boom, yeah. Job done.
He pops out and we go home.
I hope. That's what I'm hoping for. Yeah, so you never know.
[35:48]
You never know what's gonna happen. So yeah, we'll see, we'll see.
I don't know, you never know how you're gonna react.
I don't know how I'm gonna react.
But yeah, for sure we're gonna be recording it. I mean, come on, hello, who are you talking to here?
I've got like five cameras around me right now.
Well it's a question I need to ask the consultant actually inside when you're giving birth, like are you allowed to bring a video camera inside the birthing suite?
You used to be able to, people used to record. Yeah I'm sure you can, but I need to ask.
We'll just hide a GoPro up between your legs somewhere.
I'll get Lily to hold it. Get up close and personal. Yeah that's going to be fun.
Um, yeah, I'm looking forward to that actually making movies.
Hey, watch out Instagram. You're gonna be flooded with baby, baby movies coming up soon.
Um, but yeah, I'm making fun for making, look forward to making those reels and just, just playing around and, and, and like you said, just capturing those moments cause they are, they are super precious moments.
And especially when you've got a child like Lily and she meets her brother for the first time and they, they grew up together and all that stuff.
So I'm looking forward to having all of those, um, building all those memories, which is going to be, which can be amazing.
Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, we've, the other thing I was kind of anxious about, but I'm working on it is.
[37:07]
The late nights and the lack of sleep and looking after another human.
It's going to be a tough few weeks but I know I have you.
Yeah, I'm not, that stuff doesn't really. It doesn't bother you.
It doesn't bother me. I know, it's so strange. And then I thought back to last time and you did most of the work.
Yeah, but it didn't bother me. And you were fine with it and I think that's why I have the anxiety because I didn't really do it last time. I spent most of my nights pumping milk and you would wake up to deal with Liliana.
So she was with you every single night for months. And because I went back to work so quickly I used to pump and go straight back to sleep, pass you the milk when I was struggling to keep up with her demand.
[38:01]
And then you would do everything that you needed to do. And now this time it's gonna be me.
[38:08]
So it's not like I've got that previous sort of experience of feeding her overnight because you honestly did most of it.
[38:16]
Yeah, but you don't have to, the thing is this time around you don't have to go back to work quickly.
You've got a whole, you know, you've got your whole mat leave.
So you got loads of time and it really isn't, it's not that difficult.
It's really, I think this time around, It's right. It's true.
The second time you don't, you don't, I mean, I haven't listened to a single parenting birthing podcast last time.
Oh yeah. You know, you have, I last time, my goodness, I was obsessed.
I listened to all the podcasts. I read all the books and I was really trying to prepare, but this time around, I think, yeah, I'm just a bit more chilled and a bit more relaxed.
Um, I'm not nervous because I've seen you do it before and I've seen you, how strong you are and how you came through it.
So that for me doesn't fill me with any nerves. So I think I'll be fine.
And last time I think we were quite busy when I got back from Abu Dhabi to London, because you were already here.
I was 37 a week, so I knew I only had like two and a half weeks left.
And we went on holiday, didn't we?
We went to Devon and Cornwall. We went on a hiking trip, literally right before the baby was born.
And I had no fear that this baby was gonna come early. I had zero fear.
I was like, this baby's not gonna come early, and if it does, I'm gonna be absolutely fine.
There are hospitals in Devon. I will be able to just rock up to one and give birth.
[39:40]
And I was quite adventurous and spontaneous, and I didn't see any risk at all.
I was so risk-averse.
But this time, I work in pediatrics.
I see everything in it, you know, anything and everything.
[39:58]
Especially with early births on the neonatal unit, we see it all the time.
I've had the gestational diabetes pretty much the entire pregnancy.
So obviously I feel like my risk factors to give birth slightly early have increased.
But still deep down I really truly believe this baby is not going to be early and it will just come whenever it's ready.
But I think it will be sort of close to term and everything is going to be smooth.
I need to follow my gut and just have confidence and believe that it is what it is and accept whatever comes my way. But because we were so busy last time, I didn't notice the days go by, while this time obviously I'm in more of a nesting period where I'm spending more time with Liliana, spending more time resting and sleeping, recovering from the insomnia. So every day that passes I feel the day pass by and I'm like it's one day closer to go time. And I'm getting a lot of messages from friends, you know, you must be ready for the baby. So it's it's a different experience but it'll be good.
[41:17]
Pause can you flip the screen out off the camera so I can see it is it still recording I don't know because I can't yeah but I need to check the battery I forgot to plug the power in just to flip the screen around so I can see it pull it out I don't know if you can't do it or just why have you been thinking about about that this whole time?
Yeah, I was like, shit, why is it not recording? And the battery runs out. No, it's recording.
It does say. Yeah, it's recording.
[41:56]
I can see it.
No, I didn't set the exposure. What does that mean? Should we start again? No.
It's too bright.
Is that okay? I could tell that you were just thinking about something else.
Yeah. Sometime. Yeah. Okay.
Okay, so talking about holidays.
[42:52]
Let's talk about ours. Oh, a holiday was epic. Again, a spontaneous and adventurous risk-taker going on holiday at 32 and 33 weeks pregnant, so far from home.
But it was well worth it.
We had a great time. We went to New York for a few days for a wedding and got to see lots of family and spend time with family, which was wonderful.
And then we flew down to Mexico and spent a week at a very luxurious hotel.
We'll talk about that in a moment. Yeah, you're right. It was nice being with family overseas.
I feel quite fortunate, quite lucky that since I've met you, we've had quite a few of those overseas experiences with family.
So of course we had our wedding, which was amazing in India.
Had our safari trip with your grandparents which is just still the best holiday I've ever had to this day. We had your brother's wedding in India.
Your best holiday was with two like 80, 85, 86 year old man and woman.
It was good though. It was one of the best holidays. It was a really good experience.
Even though so many things didn't work out on the holiday, there were so many things that went wrong.
But it was a great holiday. Had your brother's wedding.
[44:17]
We had the London wedding, UNOP's wedding in London, where everyone came over to hear.
And then we had his brother's wedding, which we just went to.
So yeah, I really, and I was glad that Lily, she was old enough now to kind of remember.
She was super excited and she was like, you know.
She was loving it. Yeah, getting dressed and getting dressed up.
She is a mini version of me.
Obviously. She literally, she's a mini adventurer.
Yeah. She loves it. She loved the whole journey, the plane journey, the whole getting on the plane and being at the airport and all of that.
I mean, it was just super fun for her. So I'm glad that she had a great time and she got to meet the family and experience that.
So yeah, New York was amazing. I loved it, absolutely. We love New York anyway.
We've always loved going to New York, but this time it was a bit different because of the wedding.
We were only there for a few days, but I'm sure people saw my stories on Instagram.
I'll put some images up now while I'm talking as well so people can see.
But yeah, it was fun.
And I had a great day that one day out, just exploring and taking photos and recording and just exploring and just being on my own.
That was fantastic. And then of course, you ever went to Mexico.
So let's talk about this Mexico, because obviously we, this podcast, I talk a lot about staying whole and being healthy and living a good life and wellness.
And then that's kind of the reason for the holiday, right? So we decided that we should have a family holiday before.
[45:39]
Before he comes with Lily, just the three of us. Is that called a baby moon? No, baby moon. Is that a baby moon? Yeah, but normally a baby moon is usually a childless.
Oh, it's the couple. Adventure. Okay. Yeah. Well, we had a family. I think normally. Yeah, you're on honeymoon is just two people, right? So I'm guessing a baby moon is just two people as well. But we had a three people baby moon with our daughter. So I remember when we were at the time we were booking it, when we were researching and we were looking at places and And then we found this place and it was like twice the price of the nearest most expensive place in the area.
And, but it was amazing. So yeah, the place was called, what's I've forgotten what it's called now?
Palmyra. That's it, Palmyra. The house of AIA. House of AIA.
And it's a hundred, well, not a hundred percent. It's a mostly plant-based wellness retreat.
It's the best way to put it. So it's a wellness retreat really, isn't it?
Yeah, it's a wellness retreat. So, I mean it was amazing.
Excuse me. It was amazing. What was your favorite bit about the hotel and about that stay?
[46:49]
I think, well, about the hotel was the service and the attention to detail.
To making that experience the best possible experience that you could have as a guest.
We've stayed in a lot of nice hotels in our time together, a lot of five star wonderful hotels all around the world.
But this hotel, it just, it blew me away. I mean...
[47:25]
From the moment that we obviously got to the airport, we had a private transfer.
It was luxurious to have an SUV with wonderful air conditioning and Wi-Fi and a fridge.
And you know, that was a really good start to the holiday. And we thought, oh, you know, this is great, but is this going to continue?
And you know check the checking in process was just smooth and easy very quiet no cues a really relaxed experience very informative the fact that they give you somebody who's employed at the hotel to look after you for the entire week and they create a little whatsapp group to kind of message you to book things to whether that's your evening, you know, meal, whether you need support with, you know, anything during your stay, whether you want to go on an excursion, whether you need help with your diet, because that was one of the things that I needed to raise with them.
It's like a private concierge or private butler. This one was like a private concierge, this is what concierges do, but you have your own concierge.
Yeah. And yeah, you, like you said, anything you want.
[48:41]
They check on you during the day, um, whether it's through messaging or come and find you wherever you are, they make recommendations in terms of, you know, which wellness sessions to go to and things like that. I mean, that was really, they made life easy.
You know, she purposely even said that, you know, let me just book your reservations for dinner every night.
Just give me the time that suits you and I'll book and just let you know what I booked and.
You know, you'll get a choice of all the different restaurants and you'll enjoy yourself.
And that just took away another little bit of stress of figuring out which restaurant to attend.
[49:19]
One of the best things for me was that because it was plant-based and because I had been consuming so much meat and fish with my diabetes, I was wondering how the diet would work for me on holiday and how much I would be able to eat.
But I took the opportunity to ask if I could speak to the chef and he came to find me and we discussed like my exact needs, what kind of food has worked for me during my pregnancy and during my experience with diabetes and he said every night there will be something, specific for you to eat that will be tailored to your diet and every single night he made an effort to and breakfast actually in lunches he would have like a very special diabetic friendly dessert because I said to him very clearly like I can't eat any desserts, I can't have any honey or maple syrup or agave and he made something special for me in every restaurant like every single day and and luckily...
[50:27]
You know if you do like eating meat or fish there was a catch of the day so I was fortunate enough to always have one meal where there was a lot of fish but thankfully again with the lack of stress and you know more sleep as well on the holiday I did sleep a little bit better um you know my sugars were absolutely fine and I enjoyed a whole host of plant-based foods which I had missed so much during my pregnancy and so many nutritious, delicious, amazing meals. I mean their food was just divine. That was one of the, you know, major things I loved about being there. Yeah, for me it was the food. Food was so good. The food was just phenomenal.
Every meal. I mean service was amazing. Yes, I agree. Service, they made it very easy, they were very polite, very friendly, took care of everything, they were attentive to your needs. I mean you're speaking to the chef and all that you just said was, I was like wow that was really amazing. But the food, man, and it's all inclusive right, so it's like just have as much as you want. But...
[51:37]
And as much as you want a la carte, it wasn't, there was no buffets. No that's right, no buffets, I was so happy to see a buffet. A la carte was just, oh so good. I mean if you could try so many things on the menu.
And they would make alterations. So there were meals which weren't so diabetic friendly.
And then I was like, Oh, do you mind, you've got your cooking shrimp in some of the other dishes.
Can, you know, can the chef just grill me some shrimp for the side?
And they were like, yeah, absolutely. And they did no questions.
No, Oh, I'm not sure I'll ask the chef. It was like, yeah, we'll get it done.
[52:10]
Yeah. Um, and you know, it just, there was no issues. The room was wonderful.
Really spacious. We had two beautiful showers, rain showers, super hot, amazing water, which is always a luxury in a hotel.
The bed was so comfortable. Lily had a bunk bed, which she absolutely loved and enjoyed sleeping in.
That fantastic view as well, of course, of the ocean. So yeah, there was so much, so much good things there.
And just, and you know, the weather wasn't great. We know that.
But I was trying really hard and I did get a little bit, oh, why doesn't it?
Because we built it up, didn't we? We said, oh, we're gonna go have our last family holiday together, get some sun, sun, beach, and relax.
And we didn't get to do all those things. However, I still felt like I had a holiday, right?
I still felt really happy and relaxed and calm and I was enjoying myself.
And I did feel the benefits. And I think had we...
Because last minute we had a wobble didn't we? We were like, ah, are we spending too much money?
Should we just go for the one?
As long as the Fairmont was, oh the Fairmont's still amazing.
I mean it still was amazing, right?
But it didn't have all the food and all that stuff. And we thought we'll save half the cost.
And then we decided not to.
And I'm glad we didn't change it.
Because had we maybe been in a different hotel and the weather wasn't great, maybe they wouldn't have had all those extra services and all the extra facilities.
[53:39]
And yeah, the thing for me, The second thing apart from the food and the service, sorry, the third thing was the experiences.
Oh my goodness. Yes, we did the Tibetan bowl experience, we did the gong bath, and then they had lots of other ones, right? They had meditation.
I did yoga. Oh, you did yoga, yeah, you did yoga, and you did...
Art therapy. Art therapy.
Which I loved. I did the talk with the shaman, so I went to speak to the shaman, and that was fascinating.
But yeah, those were really, really, again, just so different, just something you don't get anywhere else.
And the two meditations that we did, the gong bath and the Tibetan bowls, I was just, when we did the gong bath, and I said it to Rene afterwards, I said, I've never felt that deep a level of meditation in my life.
I really felt I was just, and Nilesh talks about this sometimes, about when he does his meditations and how deep it goes, and I'd never really experienced that until that time.
[54:39]
So, and I remember speaking to both René and the Shaman afterwards, just to find out a bit more about them. I'm quite curious, I want to know about people.
And as we were talking, just generally, both of them, independent, this was two separate conversations on two separate days, both of them stressed to me the importance of self-compassion.
And I was just like, wow.
It's everywhere right and again, it's what you manifest in your head because I've been thinking more about self-compassion It's what you see out in the world, but they both said.
[55:11]
How important it is to look after yourself and to be kind to yourself And I just thought that's such a it's interesting that you you know We hear about it a lot more now But even going to the other side of the world people are tuned into this and they're talking about it more and more.
[55:26]
So yeah, it's fascinating. I'm hoping to get one of them on the podcast actually because I've linked with them on Instagram So that'd be amazing.
Yeah. Watch this space. It'll be, it'll be amazing.
So despite the rain and the wind and the thunderstorms, we had such a good time and we even swam and it was freezing.
The beach was wonderful.
Obviously it would have been nice to actually use it, but it was, it was good to be there.
And actually to some extent, I mean, obviously I miss the sun is what I wanted.
Um, but being in a hotel, which felt like you were in a tropical rainforest was also really cool because it was very green and when it did rain it did feel like you were in a different place that you've never kind of been to before and I wasn't expecting it to be so luscious in Mexico so it was it was a really good experience for us and Lily had a great time she absolutely loved it she was in her element and she had kids club which was all kind of wellness related. They had baking and time in the kitchen.
Greenhouse watering plants and things like that and art therapy So, you know, they had some good activities So every now and again she got to enjoy that and we got to enjoy what we wanted to do. Yeah, that's amazing, so thinking about self-care self-compassion.
[56:50]
Gonna ask you after this baby's born What you're gonna do? How are you gonna make sure that you?
[56:56]
Are doing the equivalent of something that's like brushing your teeth for your mental health What are you gonna do? I want you to commit to it now. I'm doing a nillish aren't I?
Doing a nillish. Commit to it now. Set an action. How are you gonna look after yourself once the baby's here? Well I have been desperate to fall back in love with yoga. It's on my mind a lot of the time and now I am getting quite large where a lot of the moves are getting a little bit challenging and I am exhausted and I'm accepting that and I'm doing other bits of exercise still swimming and walking but one thing I need to do or what I've been thinking about is when we get into routine is finding a time of day where I can spend a minimum of five minutes on my yoga mat. Stop, you just said something there when.
[57:54]
We get into routine? No, I don't mean it as, I don't mean it in a way that, oh I'm gonna wait until we have a routine. Especially because I'm thinking about like Lily's school routine and I was thinking that it would be really good that once I drop her off to school, that the first thing I do before I do anything else when I enter the house is get onto my yoga mat. Because I know that's achievable and it's a great time of day for me to...
Spend that time with myself and normally babies are generally sleeping. They have their first nap.
[58:31]
Around that time of day, So it would be useful and regardless for the baby sleeping or not That baby is going to be with me on that yoga mat every single day I did it last time and I need to just incorporate it into my routine. Obviously the first few weeks we're not going to have routine so my expectation is to spend five minutes at any point of the day minimum five minutes on the yoga mat whether that's sitting and doing a meditation for five minutes or whether that's actually doing a few stretches especially with breastfeeding and you sitting up all the time you know you do need to stretch out your back because you do get a lot of back pain. I do remember that quite significantly last time. So I know that there are elements of kind of postnatal care that are going to be really valuable for me. So a minimum of five minutes on that yoga mat, even if I sit on it and do nothing, I need to make it happen.
Amazing. So I know I said when I get into routine, which is a terrible way of thinking because you want me to action things now.
No, it's not. It's not a terrible way of thinking. It's it's when, when, when, when we say, Oh, when this happens, I'll do this.
Yeah.
Like it's like, it's like having a baby. Oh, I'm not, I'm not going to have kids yet.
When, when, when we're ready.
[59:59]
I mean, that's never going to happen. Right. When are you ever going to be ready?
Whenever you're going to have enough money. Right. It's, it's like, Oh, when I have money, I'll do this.
It's like, well, like do it now.
[1:00:09]
Do something. If you can't do the thing, do something that's a step towards it.
So you mentioned just sitting on your yoga mat. Brilliant. That's it, right?
If someone wants to go for a run, put your running shoes on.
We talked about this when we did the Habits podcast.
But so yeah, so I just, I just, I'm just aware, and I'm aware of myself saying that, oh, when this happens, I'll do this.
And it just doesn't happen, right? And that day never comes and then you end up not doing it and then you just wasted a lot of time. So yeah, just doing the bare minimum.
And for me recently, it's just been getting outdoors and doing exercise.
I've been doing exercise outdoors every morning, as you've seen, and it's been like five to 10 minutes.
Yeah. out.
And yeah, I wanna do loads more. There's loads more, I wanna get the ropes out, I wanna get the barbell out, put it on the grass and do a little, you know, a proper outdoor workout, but we just haven't got the time, we haven't got the capacity.
So I'm like, well, what's the next best thing I can do towards that?
And look how it started, right? First it was the skipping rope and I was just skipping.
[1:01:05]
Then I used the slant board to do my knees over toes squats.
Then now I'm introducing a kettlebell into that little routine.
And yeah, see, I was growing, eventually it will be. And it's, I think for me, that's a big, big, big learning point.
It's just, and we've talked about this before, we're both all or nothing humans.
You know, we want to do it all or nothing at all.
And I think I've, I'm trying really hard to break through that and it's, and it's working slowly. We are doing these things slowly. So, um, yeah, it's just do it, just do something, right.
Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent. Make that step towards it.
One of my goals during maternity leave is to be able to forehand headstand.
Yeah, forehand stand even. A forearm stand.
Forearm stand. Oh my god, I said that so wrong. Forearm stand. Because I can headstand so easily now.
But it's still on your head, right? It's just when you're on your forearms.
Forearms but heads off the floor. Yeah. Oh, heads off the floor.
Heads off the floor, yeah.
Okay. Yeah. Interesting. All right. Um, so I'm hoping to be able to build the strength towards doing that.
I'm sure I can achieve it. I'd like to say that I'll get to the point of being able to do a handstand within a year, and I think that's achievable, but, uh, the forearm stand is the stepping stone for me to get there.
So, that's one of my...
[1:02:28]
Maternity goals. Mine is going to be, I'm going to do something, I'm going to try something a bit different.
I want to a couple of times in the week get out with my camera and take some, do some photography. I've missed photography.
I've been spending so much time doing video and reels and you know producing stuff for other people and videography.
I love it, it's great but my first true love into this, the reason we're sitting here today is because I like taking photos and I just haven't done enough of that and we've also I decided that we're going to fill the house with memories from the photos that I've taken.
Because even if I say so myself, some of them are quite good. So I'm going to make sure I get out, have some me time and just take some photos. Like that day I talked about New York. That day I went, I had on my own, which you kindly gave me the freedom to go and do. That was what I wanted to do. I wanted to take my camera and I just wandered and I just took loads of photos and I was just enjoying that day and I want to do a bit more of that So that's that's my one as well as keep up the exercise and all those things. So I'm so glad you got that day.
[1:03:35]
To do that because it was fun for you. It was one of our family members Rachel well, she's not part of our family yet, but she will be but she I consider her my family, She was like, I can't believe you let Sun Trey just like go gallivanting around, New York for the whole day.
And I was like, what do you mean? She's like, it's just so kind of you.
And I was like, yeah, but he's just so passionate about taking pictures and why would I say no?
She's like, yeah, but it's hard for you because obviously you're very pregnant and you have another child to look after. I was like, it didn't even cross my mind because he loves it so much. And if it makes him happy, then why would I say no?
So I'm really glad that you got that day to yourself. Yeah, I'm really glad you gave it to me.
Awesome.
All right, well, until next time, we'll have three, four of us.
Agreed. Let's see what happens. Yeah, watch this space. Stay tuned.
